How is it feel to be hurt like that? To be played around like that? Bet it feels good. No?

Suits you right asshole.

I want to feel sorry for you. Really I do. I even try to be your good friend all over again, pretending that I never had feelings for you way way back then. I even remember on one occasion I even consoled you when she hurt you, yet again.

But you now what? No, it doesn’t work like that. You hurt me back then, and I still remember it. I am a woman after all. I don’t forget.

I remember how you played with my feelings when you found out I had a thing for you, and how you decided you don’t like me back so you ignored me. I know all you wanted from me was a friendship, but dude you were an asshole about it.

Now, knowing how she played with your heart. Not just once, but many times and for many years. It feels good.

Suits you right asshole. Thank you for making my day.

My husband don’t want to remember or think about any of the women in his past. For him, they’re all nuts and there’s no point thinking about it.

I’m different. I think about my past, the guys I used to like and ex-boyfriends. I’m actually still friends with them and from time to time talk to them. My ex-boyfriends, I wish them all the best and hope they’ll find someone who’ll make them happy soon (I only have 2 of these and both are still single…last time I checked).

The guys who I used to like? Well, as of last time I checked they were all still single (hmmm…the men from my past seems to be single for a very long time. Something seriously wrong with them. And me apparently). And I’m freakin’ happy about that.  I just read one of their facebook entry and he’s in pain because some girl from his past hurt him. Ha!!! Serves you right asshole.

I was hurt by them. And now, I want them all to hurt. An eye for an eye.

How’s married life different from single life? Not much difference. No difference actually. Only my bank account managed to dwindle to nothing. I’m poor now.

My husband asked yesterday “So it’s confirmed we’re married? That’s it?”  He didn’t feel it either.

Was just thinking about diamond ring for engagement.  How necessary is it nowadays?

I insisted on an engagement ring when he said that we should get married (yes that’s right, he DID NOT propose, I made him).  The ring was considered very cheap, especially since I selected the second smallest diamond in the shop. I don’t want an expensive ring, but I wanted a ring. If he wanted to marry me, he shouldn’t have any problem forking out some money (I never said a lot of money) to buy me a diamond ring.

I’m a practical girl, I didn’t get an expensive ring ‘cos I don’t see the point (diamonds lose its value as soon as you buy them anyway, so it’s not like I can get a lot of money if he had left me and I decided to sell the ring), but I got a ring nevertheless. Because my prehistoric brain is telling me that when you’re engaged,  you should have a ring.

Not a lot of people seem to share this thought though.

My reflex when somebody tell me that they’re engaged is to look for the ring, and most of the time I don’t see it (and sometimes I see that they’re bigger…much bigger, than mine). Why not? Why don’t these girls ask for a ring? Why don’t the guys initiate to buy a ring? You can’t be
that broke not to be able to afford a ring, if you’re brave enough to ask a girl to marry you, then you should at least have a few hundred dollars to buy a ring (yes, it doesn’t cost that much). What kind of excuses these girls are telling themselves, or those who ask, why is there no ring?

On another note, must it be a ring? How about an engagement car? I wanted an engagement TV and my husband wanted an engagement watch or a wedding watch. He was sadly disappointed.

To say it like that makes me sound like Garfield. But seriously, Mondays are really horrible for me. Waking up in the morning (and when I said morning, I really meant morning. I wake up at 5.30am. Even when I was still in school I woke up at 6am.) is excruciating. “Forcing” myself to do work at 7.30am was no walk in the park either. It’s truly a challenge just to get past lunch time.

But this morning seemed different. It doesn’t seem so bad. Sure, I still think Monday mornings are cruel punishment, sure I’m extra slow compared to any other days, but I don’t have the urge to ball-up, cry and die.

Not like last week.

Damn PMS.

I’m scared the dress I’m going to make will look horrible. The bridal magazine I read yesterday told me that ordering a cheaper wedding dress may come out in a nightmare. I could end up with a horrible wedding dress.

Maybe I should consider a wedding insurance.

I was so freaked out yesterday I kept thinking about it until I fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a splitting headache. And whenever I closed my eyes I would see rows and rows of endless wedding dresses. I was so very scared. I got up, walked to the kitchen and putter about. I thought if I’m wide awake I wouldn’t be seeing the wedding dresses. But every time I close my eyes I would see the wedding dresses again.

It worse than nightmare.

Finally drugged myself up with Panadol and fell asleep exhausted.

Things to think about:

1. Dress – I’m getting this made. Can’t even decide on the design (i.e. strapless or V-neck). My baby kept saying I look better in a strapless, I think I looked like a squashed muffin, and I like the v-neck cut. At least we both agreed I don’t look good in a ballgown.

2. Flowers – Goodness me. Flowers for church decor are very very expensive. Thinking of ways to cut down the cost.

3. Wedding Cake – My mom wants a big and tall cake. Ugh.

4. Caterer – Shouldn’t be that hard right? I contacted caterers before for my work event.

5. Venue for Dinner – Ugh. More things to think (and negotiate) about.

Thank goodness I’m only getting married once. I don’t think I can survive another round of planning for wedding.

If my baby leaves me, whoever is marrying me next better plan for the wedding. I’m not doing this twice.

PS: Shoot, did I miss out anything????

I so wish I’m still on holiday in Melbourne now.